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Seventeenth Session Recap (March 16th, 2013) – Firstday, Marpenoth 1st, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Full Moon

That Time the Plan Went Smoothly

The group of intrepid do-gooders feel much stronger after this ambush. As they move along, they hear whispering about, “where’s the shoe polish?” Secretly thinking, “hold my arrow while I.. fix the fletching…” is, uh, sexy-time talk, the group decides to send K’larr in upside down to spy on the cretins. What follows is the single most amazingly coordinated attack on any room this party has seen to date. Altogether two soldiers, a cleric, and a shadow mastiff will go down in two and a quarter rounds. K’larr drops from the ceiling and ends the cleric immediately, Dambrio plays an echoing tune, Laran readies a shot, Char bursts in, Greywacke strides up to the mastiff, and Sage stands sentry at the door daring someone to try to escape. The arrow flies, Char bum-rushes the person shot, K’larr pommels a second victim, and Greywacke begins assaulting the dog. The other team has enough time to attempt a counter attack, but it’s way too late. Char helps K’Larr drop a third enemy, and Greywacke is no longer hungry, having just devoured the shadow mastiff. Sage and Laran walk in, a bit dazed, but happy… there are beds in this room!

In here are various goodies, including shoe polish and a broken arrow. Also, a fourth Shadow Bellows. After a bit of discussion, they destroy the bellows, and fortify the room to be a place of respite in the future.

Why Not Mind Flayer?

Moving on the from the comfortable room of pure success, they come to another bridge. Obviously preparing for another attack from Despayr, they are extremely wary. It does not come, instead, there is a nasty surprise. Spotting something from a distance, the team prepares. K’larr, again, sneaks ahead, crawling toward the enter, where there are prison cages holding inmates, screaming for help. The ranged attack pattern is in full effect, as Laran fires an arrow and Char eldritch blasts, both aimed at the top of its head, the only visible thing. In contrast to the previous battle, this is not smooth. This is a Mind Flayer, and it has just eaten the arrow, and smirked as the blast fizzled as it touched it solid, solid face. It slowly lowers its head below visibility in a sinister, spine chilling manner. K’larr does not dare move this entire fight. Instead, it is a ranged fight that ends with the Flayer retreating into nothingness, claiming that, “I will not forget this.”

Freeing the hostages that have been tortured mentally, the party finally has finally found people to talk to. A fair amount of miscommunication takes place, as four starving and unequipped folks are warned and given tools to aid them in their escape, but basically told that to stay put may be safer, as there is a dragon floating about. They refuse, and are told to seek Sued for amazing food. The team moves on, feeling better about themselves, that they have rescued more people, finally. They breeze through a Mezzoloth and Vargouilles, and find floating stone stairs that they consider stealing but that obviously wouldn’t work, so they abandon the idea. They still have plenty of boats to start the Miscellany Shop after all of this.

They come to a library, where everything is lit with a greenish glow. And they do not feel alone…

Sixteenth Session Recap (January 19th, 2013) – Firstday, Marpenoth 1st, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Full Moon

The Curious Case of the Hour-long Discussion of Napstacking Ropetricks Behind Tapesties

Moving into the next corridor, the team faces a few more writhing tentacle armed undying things. But this time, Prae has Daylight cast on his necklace and quite effectively and smugly takes care of the annoyances, making them flee from the light saying, “Taste this!” The room cleared, the team notices that it is filled with tapestries. Several are ripped to shreds in a fit of uncontrolled rage by K’larr, who discovers that one of them is a flying carpet! Packing it up, they move on after deciding to not waste the Daylight.

Following a tunnel down, the heroes spy a set of six biers, one with a corpse on, and three cloaked grey humans with staves and swords. They engage the three clerics with Dambrio beginning a song to boost morale. Prae, hit first, is absolutely nailed by a dark bolt and passes out on top of Greywacke who is also hit and dazed. A merciless battle is about to ensue as K’larr rushes the nearest cleric. Sage heals Prae in his emergency. Char, taking no chances Hammer Blows the corpse!

Unfortunately, this sparks a catastrophe. Six shadows appear on the biers, and they mean business. In fact, two clerics run for their flipping lives. A shadow encloses on Char and hits him, dealing strength damage. This fight will make our favorite characters wish for massive HP damage again, anything to stop the constant failed hits on the shadows – for how does one fight a shadow? This is quickly figured out, though, as the party simply begins to get lucky shots. K’larr is damaged in the melee, as everyone is finally taking them down one by one. Prae rushes in to heal him as Greywacke takes strength damage – she’s such a good tiger. Laran’s arrows finish the two remaining shadows.

Careful not to EVAR touch the biers again, the team ransacks the room of various jewelries. The group is in desperate need of rest and healing after this, and K’larr, brave sneak that he is, tip-toes back to the Infernal Hangmen’s [tentacle porn monsters] room with the shredded tapestries. After considerable time, both in and out of the heroes’ reality, they formulate just EXACTLY how to ropetrick while napstacking…very camouflaged-ly behind remaining tapestries. This is important, because it literally put the soul of Prae to sleep. As it is, they rest very well.

Despayr, the Deuce

The team backtracks a bit to destroy a third bellows, and retraces their steps to go across a, knowingly, dreaded bridge. Dreaded because, surely, thar be a dragon a lurkin’. There is. Prae gets a look at him poised on the side of the tower they are traveling from, and Char absolutely books it backwards, but it does not matter. Despayr swoops in like a crazed bat, rises on the other side of the bridge, and breaths shadow shards onto Laran, Prae, Greywacke, and Dambrio. Greywacke is down. Sage takes off…to the other side of the bridge. Laran tries to retaliate, but the arrow bounces off. Dambrio heals Greywacke as he turns to flee. Despayr, coming back for a second attack, flybys Char as he is running. It nearly kills him.

At this point, the entire team is in retreat, except for Sage on the other side of the long bridge. Despayr notices this and lands on the bridge, cutting the party off from her, and preens his wings. Unable to take this, screaming as he runs, K’larr lunges at Despair. A liberal amount of healing takes place on the bridge at the door; as Char is wounded, and Laran is in need of fresh harassing from Dambrio healing hands. Sage, at the other end, cannot land a hit. The dragon full attacks, dropping Sage nearly instantly. He turns to focus on K’larr. Prae, healing done, rushes out with Greywacke ready to die trying to distract Despayr, and shifts to eagle form. As all this is happening, Laran has enough time to focus a shot, and it is oh so good. Despayr, deciding he has done enough damage, and going to rip that arrow out of…wherever it’s sticking, leaves the bridge. K’larr swings at him as he flies off. They manage to heal Sage and travel on.

Fifteenth Session Recap (November 10th, 2012) – Firstday, Marpenoth 1st, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Full Moon

After running as fast as possible, invisibly or not, to the other side of the bridge to escape Despair, our crew of battered and coronaried heroes lay eyes on the defender of the faith of the Charans. The Charcultists – Char…coaltists. Shar? Sharan cultists of the Saharan. Sahasrahla. The Dark Knight of the Dark Plain in his Dark Study with nudie posters of the Gorgon his friend was “riding.” Mid-prayer to commit his Master’s will, they walked into his quarters and, hushed, watched as he finished and brandished his blade. “I will kill you” he hisses to K’larr, Malkarion the Dark Knight has called out our Rogue. Sage readies to defend her husband in vain as Malkarion swiftly tosses a poison dagger into K’larr’s side, and still has time to re-steady his sword.

All toughness aside, the heavy hitters in our favorite gang’s arsenal make relatively quick work of the Anti-paladin. They discover a two-way mirror, and scramble to secure it for…probably profit. Unfortunately, as it was stored in Sage’s haversack, once it passed the threshold of the Knight’s barracks, it exploded into a billion tiny pieces and ruins the pouch pocket it was inside.

Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tubeman!
That is what Sharan Cultists transmogrify into when they die and fall into the cursed flame they chant over! Char snuck into the spiral chamber containing three robed clerics, and Laran readies her box to snipe. As easy as “one, two, three” Char and Laran dispatch the screaming meanies, with the only mistake being to not correctly calculate the trajectory of their death-falls, as the last topples into the burning pile and becomes an unbeatable beast. Thankfully, it was only the last one that managed to reach the fire, as this particular encounter can Dimension Door, grab many things at once – and never die. It was a wiggly-wobbly pest that caused Greywacke to run around in circles and the group to have a pommeling-watch for about 7 minutes while they finally decided to cast Daylight in a rather annoyingly unavoidable but epic turning point in the adventure. Beacons of light emanate from the windows of the team’s tower, signaling, clearly, the arrival of the resisters of Darkness. In addition to the light, they blow up a second Shadow Forge.

Fourteenth Session Recap (September 29th, 2012) – Firstday, Marpenoth 1st, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Full Moon

So Many Tentacle-Like Appendages

As it turns out, a Blood Golem is not so very difficult to handle on its own. Apart from being impossible to dodge, and near impossible to disarm, and its gigantic reach, and its lightning-fast reflexes, and unlimited supply of blood with which to terrify all who cross its path, dispatching the golem was positively a cake-walk. The usual suspects are attacking the golem; Char, Laran, K’larr, Sage. Prae shows off how well he can get out of the way, and buff others, as Cat’s Grace is bestowed unto K’larr, who quite successfully shows off some incredible agility this battle. Char continues to dart quickly about the arena shooting blasts into the melee, and attempting now and again to destroy some of the flails attached to the golem’s wrists – that’s right, flails, on its’ wrists…that spin, and heat-seek foreheads. Laran continues to prove her usefulness to the seasoned crew, as her arrows find their way into the golem’s vulnerable spots. No one else in the party would have been able to snipe the tiny spot in the blood tank that was fueling the vicious whirlwind of attacks. It cracks, imperceptibly. Sage unleashes a volley of Shield Swings to crack into its solid offensive circle. Char finally lands a pommeling blow on one of the flails, and it cracks into shards. Sadly, this still leaves three free flails, which connects with Sage’s body despite her best efforts. Meanwhile, K’larr has taken some extreme punishing, and is slipping out of consciousness. Prae rides in side-saddle to help K’larr, taking hits along the way. Dambrio is, of course, singing in the distance, but even he can’t quite get out of the reach of the Golem either, taking a few hits before retreating to a safer spot.

The party is beginning to learn the moral of the fights ahead of them: protect the archer. Laran, having sighted her mark, looses an arrow that flies wide, but watches her second shot split the Golem’s blood tank in twain. It drains, gurgling, into the tower flooring. Its’ magic life-force severed, the machine grinds to an audible, clunking halt. Everyone patches their bruises and cuts – and likely broken bones – and readies themselves for the rooms and layers ahead.

One of which, is a tentacled and writhing room. The group, oddly, does not enter this room. They pass it, instead, and head across a bridge to an outcropping shaped like a domed fungus jutting out from a tree.

Forge of Shadow Shards & Mushroom Faces

Here, our friends attempt a sneak attack on some unsuspecting guards. Sadly, they are not so unsuspecting, as they have heard K’larr spying on them from the bridge entrance. Prae, in eagle-shape flies to another entrance and fails to summon a distraction. All surprise is lost, but it does not matter, as the enemies are overcome rather easily. This group is seasoned, now, to failed tactics, and improvises very well. Several oddities wait here for the team. A bellows constantly breathing shadow, and a gathering of rooted, unreactive mushroom people staring up to the ceiling, unblinkingly. Prae inspects the mushrooms, as the rest of the team actually engages in useful activities such as the Shadow Forge. They discuss the repercussions of destroying the bellows, fortify the location, and decide to leave it be, for now. Clearly, it is evil, but…how evil is it?

Beautiful Statues

Along a corridor further in past the bellows, the team comes to a series of interesting statues. They seem frozen in time, some are crumbled, but they all have frightened, longing looks on their faces. Party members with experience prepare themselves. The others march on, seemingly unaware of what lies ahead. A gorgon! Petrified folks fail to warn every one of the thing around the corner. Before many can act, the gorgon charges in, scattering what little formation there was. Those close try to hit it, but everyone is bedazzled by the beast before them. Then comes the thing they dreaded; a round of petrification. Prae, Greywacke, Dambrio, and Sage are halted. Fortunately, Char, Laran, and K’larr are perfectly fine, and finally begin pommeling the gorgon soundly. Laran nails it from a distance, her arrows becoming more and more vital as the group progresses. Char blasts it from many random locations as he soars about. K’larr stabs away hoping to reach a weak point. Unusually quickly, the gorgon is defeated, those who are stoned are freed from their worriless, dragon-devoid, trouble-barren eternal sleep. Back to real life, where danger is around every corner.

As they recuperate, they notice flyers of warning,

To whom it may concern,
Please use this salve on me if I am petrified by the gorgon.
Thanks,
luvs xoxo
Random Sharan #17

In a vain attempt to ride the gorgon, an unfortunate soul was conquered by his lovely pet. The heroes [thieves] gain plenty of very fine saddles! They travel back to the Shadow Forge, where they carefully plan its destruction. Casualties: Several Mushroom Faces. Gods rest their little unaware souls.

A Bridge Too Long

The heroes, having destroyed the Shadow Forge that may or may not have things to do with stuff, march off to the bridge connecting this area to a tower-like jut-out in the Rift. Sadly, this was the time full-run should have been engaged. As the team bunched up in the middle, the trap was set. Despayr, the faceless dragon of the Shadow Plane became known to the party. In a streak across the sky, it damages at least three people at a time. As Char rises to meet the dragon in the air, it chooses a new target. Char is gravely hurt. Most of the team has booked it to the other side of the bridge after making a few in the bunch invisible; but Laran, her bow steady, manages to pelt a weak spot in his scaly hide. Despayr, not necessarily hurt, but properly surprised, leaves the group to recalculate…its’ level, so as to give the party a decent challenge, according to the Author.

— Recap interrupted as improperly grouped subheading that crosses two sessions.

Thirteenth Session Recap (August 11th, 2012) – Highharvesttide, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Waxing Gibbous

Along Dark Water’s Edge
With the monastery cleared in full, the team is free to rummage through the booty, and relax, and eat, and take note of their gained skills from their previous combats. Its’ even safe enough for Sued to come and camp with the rest of them, and feed them.
Merriments are underway for everyone. Char meditates on his own. Laran rests and hones her bow skills with an avid fan in Dambrio watching her. Char’s time alone is well spent, as he has gained strength and found the power of flight! Prae is sulking in the courtyard, finding green things, and suddenly finds Char flying and glowing blue like the Comet that he is. The gnome goes to tell Sage about Char’s new powers. She is heard from behind a giant, off the hinges door, but for some reason won’t come out. After knocking several times, K’larr booms, “Leave us the HELL alone!” Taking the hint, Prae leaves them be, and the rest settle down for a cozy night in the conquered hull of the monastery.
The morning finds them all in good spirits, especially since Sued is able to make a magnificent breakfast. Char shows off a bit of flight for K’larr and Sage. The team is ready to continue the adventure, but find that Prae is oddly settled in the courtyard. The druid is in a trance, communing with the powers of nature in this Shadow Plain. Everyone decides that one more day of rest can’t hurt, and leaves Prae to meditate on his loss and his future.
As people stir again, they notice rustling in the bushes in the distance of the courtyard. Prae awakens, and walks slowly toward the disturbance. The team takes up arms, and prepares to face a new dark creature. But, there is certainly no enemy here, as a shadowy tiger emerges from the underbrush and trots toward Prae with a noble purpose. The two meet, eye to eye, and Prae whispers, “Greywacke.” The two start to dance in the courtyard as though two children had just met each other after years apart. Everyone puts up their weapons, and politely marvel at the creature that has joined them in their efforts to save the world as they know it.
All resting and praying and eating finished (and believe me, they ate good, multiple times) they all leave to the Necrem and test the marshy waterways. They amble along the paths to a place they once heard before in the monastery, the Black Rift. Everyone is on point, attempting to be prepared for anything that would come their way, but the trip is easy. They come to the docking end of a fork in the waterway, and exit the boat near a now geologically familiar hummock. Char and Prae’s eyes are slightly more attuned to this plain than the others, and identify a massive rift up ahead of the docking point, and a swampy cabin in the mists of the sudden edge of the fast moving river.
Assuming buildings to be hazardous at this point, the team is expecting imminent danger in the form of ungodly whatchamacallits (that is actually a word according to MS Word, which is good news!). They instantly re-gather at the hummock, the tried and true safe zone of such adventures as this. The party plan is typical, K’larr leads, followed by Sage, backed up by Char, followed by newcomer Greywacke, Prae, with Laran covering the rear with copious wide range. Also typical, is the surprise round that constricts K’larr, paralyzes him, and drains him of strength. A snarling armadillo dog has whipped its’ barbed tongue around him and pulled him straight into the danger zone. Sage is panicking, and is tripped on her way to her husband by a creature that has suddenly appeared in front of her. “You will diiiiiiiiiiie…” the thing hisses. Greywacke pounces into melee with the thing that has K’larr, and begins her merciless assault on it, unfortunately blocking forward movement for the rest of the party to help free the half-elf man. Someone identifies these creatures as demons; the thing that tripped Sage has six arms, a trident, and a bug-like face, and is known as a Mezzoloth, and the dog-like bastard is a Canoloth(?). Laran fires at the Mezzoloth, doing minimal damage, despite her accuracy. Char, his new strength coming in handy, flies to the other edge of the battlefield where he finds a second Canoloth, much to his dismay. The demon man conjures a cloud of insta-death, to make things more fun. Members of the party in the cloud must abandon their posts, the only one staying on target being Greywacke. Prae gives the order to fetch the Canoloth, in order to help spurn action inside the deadly mist. Prae shifts into a tiny sparrow, and attempts to piss of the Mezzoloth, and draw its’ attention away from Laran or Char, this to no avail. Eventually, the tiger manages to grapple the demon dog and force it to drop K’larr. Sage, sadly, cannot reach the targets yet, and so, not reach her husband, either. He is in mortal danger. Char continues to work his magic and nails one of the Canoloths, also dealing massive damage to the Mezzoloth. Sensing it is time to leave with its’ life, it flies off far away into the Black Rift. The battle is won, but K’larr is damaged, and the party is on edge.
By the way, Dambrio is totally safe at the hummock. Apparently is actually is a safe zone in battles. Who knew?
They gather their strength, and head further across the slippery bridge past the swampy cabin which leads into a tower that descends into the side of the chasm. It is a narrow spiral staircase, possible trapped, and leading into corrupt darkness the likes of which will never be comprehended! But they keep going, thinking, what’s the worst that could happen…we’ve already seen it all, right?
A blood golem awaits our champions at the bottom of the stairs. It has an endless supply of blood stored in tanks attached to its’ back, and an absolute zero amount of f@#%s to give about who it pommels to death. These heroes brace for another bloody, wild ride.

Twelveth Session Recap (July 14th, 2012) – Tenthday, Eleint 30th, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Waxing Gibbous

Courtyard Playthings
Sage, Our Lady the Tank, eyes statue-like figures in the faintly lit room. She inches forward, and back quickly. She thinks she was stealthy, but sadly, there is no hiding from the gaze of these two winged sentries. THEY SEE ALL, AND THEY MOVE! Sage acts immediately, pommeling the thing nearest her before it has a chance to scream, move, duck, instantly kill the party, or sneeze. Unfortunately, that action signals panic amongst the two sentries, who mobilize. One blasts Sage with a green beam, and stares her down as the other takes off through a hole in the ceiling of the room. This turns out to be a fantastic move in favor of the team of do-gooders, as they all know, now, just what was shuffling inside. Char has to take a moment to take in the scene, but Prae, clinging to a rope dangling from the body of the barbarian, jumps down from the monastery wall and peers inside the room. Låran wastes no time and begins her arrow assault on the newly appeared beastie. Char’s inner badassness awakens and he sends a comet blast soaring towards the gargoyle – unfortunately, the blast misses, only accomplishing to sever a single leaf from the nearest tree. There is a lot of deliberation in the party as to how to act best, but K’larr has the idea down – chakram the piss out of the thing closest to his wife from a safe distance. Dambrio, too, has an excellent idea; play songs while standing comfortably in the only pocket of light in the area, which none-the-less is effective. Sage is exchanging hit from one of the gargoyles, as Prae shifts into a giant Hawk and tries to pick up Char, who bats him away vigorously as he tries to Comet the flying gargoyle, again. Before he can however, Læran is drained significantly from the statuesque menace. K’larr continues his distanced assault on his target, as Char nails the flying one, bloodying it. Annoye, apparently, at his ally’s hit, the “inside” gargoyle returns fire with a verde explosión de odio a Char. Prae is circling the airborne gargoyle, and finding that his avian skills are rusty, he ends up flying about the battle repeatedly, after being struck by the familiar energy blast. L(?)ran is attempting to hide and heal while thinking about arrowing some bad guys. Dambrio took the time to find another light source. Char is, again, on point and pommels the poo out of one of the gargoyles, at which point, they both seem to sense their impending doom, and begin flying off to other run-down monasteries to haunt. Such is the life of a maddened statue bound creature of darkness: it’s all fun and games until “heroes” show up and trash your perfectly creepy digs. As they are flying off, Char takes a pot-shot at the nearest one. Unfortunately, though it connects audibly, the creature seems to survive, and limp-soar into the distance.

The Thing in the Room That Makes Char Cry
The team gathers in the once occupied room, and stares at Dambrio in the limelight. They take their time to heal themselves and tell Laran that everything is fine! “We totally know how to fight giant creatures in large groups that shoot energy lasers in people’s face.” Prae stays in hawk formation and flies out to fetch Sued for a quick meal. Char rages about missing his foe. K’larr checks on his wifey, as she thanks the Lady that those were gargoyles, not weeping angels. Eventually, the group listens through the double doors nearest them. They are, of course, locked, and judging by the sounds emanating from within, they should stay that way for eternity. But! The crew of intrepid Righters of Wrongs simply must intrude upon evil’s bastion without ruth. Char ends up being sent out to scale the monastery wall to peer inside the noisy chamber. He does so effortlessly, but does not return the same man.
“IT HAS NO FACE!” he yells to everyone as he attempts to weep-out the graphic horror he has witnessed. An abomination waits inside.
Prae stands at the ready in front of the doors as the rest scramble to rearrange all the furniture in the room to somehow steel themselves from what lurks a few feet away. All this done as though opening the doors were a good idea, and the tables would actually hold up to something that makes a barbarian cry. After a liberal amount of tactical chaos ensues, Prae is sent away from his stance as first to enter. Dambrio, still hugging the torchlight, plays a song. Laran readies a fistful of arrows to be fired at something that very well may eat arrows. Sage and K’larr wait; weapons up, Sage in full plate armor. Char, having seen what cannot be unseen, readies at the forefront fully intending to ensure that the “thing” will, at least, be unmade. Sued, being the most valuable party member, makes her way back to safety at the boat. The doors are forcibly opened.
It is horrible, standing patiently still, screaming with eternal suffering – a hellish perversion of a faceless Chunk with countless writhing and tortured faces stretching from the skin of the beast, everywhere faces should not ever be. Laran is first to fight through the sickening image and sounds, and fires straight at the beast’s heart…if it has one. There is an audible “twang” as the arrow punts off the flesh of it. Char blasts it with a magic hammer, but it dissipates, ineffective. For some reason, the abomination dislikes being struck with a magic object, and begins to shift, causing the faces to screech even more. K’larr and Sage do not exactly know what to do, having seen Char’s best strike fizzle away upon touching the thing. The delays allow it to bellow a howl, and it resonates within the souls of those present.
Char, Dambrio, and Prae feel a deep despair, sensing something awful that cannot be shaken. Dambrio freaks out, singing turns into weeping and the trance of battle is broken. Several hits are attempted on the beast, but nothing seems to affect it. Char is broken as the team struggles to find a weakness, any weakness apart from sunshine and unicorns and rainbow droplets, which seems so far away now. Prae, in his warped, hawkish brain, decides that misting the doorway is the best plan of action, because, you know, if the creature can’t see, it can’t possibly hit them!
The party readies itself for a terrible death in the shadow of pure hatred and suffering incarnate. But, Char, his mind free from sadness, wields his Lucerne Hammer, gives a barbarian scream, and pelts it full in the face…hole. It begins to fade into its’ own void, the evil is broken.

Wands, in Fact, Make Noise
The heroes take a moment to simply exchange looks at each other. Laran throws her bow to the ground and blows up at the crew and shows her frustration for having joined them. All she wanted was to go home! Now, she’s facing more dark beings than she was while she was aimlessly wandering in the wild. Sage talks with her, and brings her more clarity and courage, despite the fact that leaving, as per Laran’s suggestion, is a probably a good idea. In the room, there is a portal, a working portal this time, to the realm where evil lurks. It is taken care of, and made useless. The lingering, faint noises of gurgling horrors fade away. The rest of the area is secured, and a few treasures are discovered. K’larr takes note and divides goods amongst the party, taking time to play fetch with Prae Hawk. They all take a breather, in fact, as the rest of the monastery is not yet cleared, and none know what other disfigured shapes they may find further into the cloister.
Afterward, they form ranks, with Prae perching in a tree top in the middle grounds and Char scaling the walls again, just outside of a door leading into the next corner of the crumbling monastery. They take care to line up on the narrow bridge-like walk path, K’larr leading. Sage, with her best intents forward, attempts to cast a spell on her husband, breaking the perfect silence necessary to enter the room undetected. What can only be described as a time fluctuation occurs, as Sage finds herself with a wand in hand, and stores it quickly, a feeling of Fate Undone in her mind. Even Char finds himself magically on the wall again, instead of on the roof…perhaps a dream.
K’larr goes about his business, trying to lock pick his way in, ever so quietly. But, it fails. The crew hears a man brace the door inside. K’larr books it to the bushes, red-faced. Feeling that he may in fact be the only competent member of this group, Char bashes the door open, pinning the armed man to the wall inside. Laran, filled with pep from Sage’s chat, charges in with her long sword and stabs the nearest living thing. Unfortunately, the enemy is still alive, and he blasts Laran with energy. Even worse, there is a third free sentry, and he latches the door, cutting off the party.
K’larr, Sage, Dambrio, and Prae are outside of the fort room, all in various stages of mid-pounce, but for nothing. Laran and Char inside scuffle with the three fanatics, as another two, more insidious foes enter the fray. A cleric shouts orders to close the inner chambers as a rougher man takes point and shoves Char and Laran back and away. A sound from the innermost chamber enters the ears of even the team outside the fort, the sound of creatures being summoned to aid the already large volume of baddies.
As this is happening, a giant, barbed dog beast from the Gates of Hades rears its ugly head from elsewhere in the monastery corridors and canters up to the tree where Prae is roosting. The hawk is down, but not for long. With the “Howler Dog” comes yet another man to make our heroes lives more difficult. K’larr’s idea of getting the two team members out of the fort quickly turns into an absolute fit to get inside with them! As another cleric opens a hidden side door to the fort, K’larr rushes the nearest door with renewed purpose, with Sage and Dambrio close behind. Prae remains to fend off the Howler.
In a moment of hilarity, the new cleric appears in the doorway, “Ah, ha!” and is immediately shoved outside by a frantic K’larr, shouting, “Eat that dick bag!”
Sage charges the inner sanctum door to confront whatever lies inside, by the word of Laran. The noises of summoned creatures prove to be accurate, as three Hell Hounds swarm Sage. The woman inside casts a spell on all in the, now very crowded, entry room. It is unknown what exactly the spell has done, until, that is, Dambreo crushes his own face in with his lyre and Char exclaims, “I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND GET AN EDUCATION!” Two key members of the party are now insane. (As a side note, “God’s Away On Business,” begins to play).
Prae, outside, is finding out the hard way that the Howler can shoot poisonous barbs across vast distances. He is forced to fly away to the safe side of the fort, which is beneficial, because he eyes Sage struggling, though seemingly undamaged, inside against the Hell Hounds and the cleric. Prae is able to summon his own army of (was it badgers?) to help her out.
K’larr is attempting to help Laran avoid the insanity of Dambrio, who constantly hit on her anyway, and one of the sentries. The walls are closing in on our team, as Char narrowly avoids crushing Dambrio to smithereens. A swarm of deadly vermin are summoned from underneath the door and inching toward K’larr. The Howler is about to start clawing at the fort, likely going to take it down. Prae is dying as he flies outside the cloister. Sage…remains un-hit…and then, “That’s it.”
The voice of an Almighty Narrator booms from somewhere unseen. “This fight is over, you win” He proclaimed “Laura is too strong. I can’t even land a hit!” A moment goes by as a feeling of shame, and oddly inappropriate humor, trickles down upon our heroes for unknown reasons. Who is this, “Laura?” And then, “I think I’m going to increase the difficulty level of the end boss for you guys.” They shudder, and take pause, as the Howler, two grunts, two clerics, and summoned beasts dissipate into nothingness.

Eleventh Session Recap (June 30th, 2012) – Tenthday, Eleint 30th, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Waxing Gibbous

K’Larr lives! K’larr lives!

Our ramshackle crew of adventurers/seafaring vessel entrepreneurs climbs out of the naga hole and walks directly into a shrubbery – of certain and repetitive death. Without Gathan, our fallen lizard-folk warrior friend, the party slips into a certain style of fighting known best as ‘play dead,’ this being preferred over ‘res back to 2 hp, instantly killed due to life detected in target’ – again, RIP Gathan.

In the midst of the now familiar shadowy illumination, Sage stands at the front line and tanks the splintery limbs of a shambling mound for as long as she can. Joining the enemy is a pack of blue lizard-terriers, with the wonderful ability to electrify random targets with reckless abandon. It’s discovered that, not only do lightning attacks hurt, but they also raise the hardiness of the shambling bush. Somewhere amongst the cackling bark-hisses of the electric pups, which I now imagine sounds like exaggerated hyena laughter, the tree’s twisted face-hole cracks and moans into a sinister smile, as it pelts Sage three times, wraps her into a tight embrace, and promptly tosses her to its side. Before she drops, however, she attempts to hypnotize a group of lizards, which works, but does not seem to help save the party from the relay-electrical pack attack of tingling hatred. This whole time, Sage’s half-manly husband is tossing a returning chakram at the bark-skinned assailant. Realizing, though, that the lightning lizards are helping the bush, he now targets the doggy closest to him.

Char rages ahead and blasts the tree in typical astounding fashion as Dambrio begins playing the last stanzas of his war requiem. Prae hears the sounds of a shambling mound and a dying Sage and, after failing to ignite the abomination, recklessly charges in on Dolomite waving a deadly sickle of effectiveness. He briefly assumes the lizard terriers are sentient and barks commands at the nearest one. Amazingly, it continues to be random. Dolomite shakes his head in concerned disdain as he claws at the tree. K’larr yells at the gnome to heal his wife – Dambrio being unable to do so, having landed in unconsciousness beside Sage – which Prae does not do, instead landing a max hit of 2 on the bush, and immediately being grappled, strangled, and tossed to the side with the others.

Presumably, K’larr face-palms and continues firing off his chakram at dogs, which seems to provoke more electrical attacks, further boosting the shambling bush, much to its amusement. Char pummels the tree while its attention is on Dolomite. In the distant corner of the wattle battle, a dirty and half-starved half-she-elf witnesses the foray. Several electrical lizard dogs roam around her as her brain tries to wrap around the situation in front of her. Dolomite dodges as many attacks as he can while clawing ceaselessly at the killer bush, but finally succumbs to the long arm of efficient death. The newcomer works up the courage to ask the people in mortal peril if they need help. K’larr politely yells, “Why, yes, please do help us” as he tosses the chakram at a lizard next to her and continues, “kill that one, if you are so inclined.” She proceeds to arrow the living piss out of all the lizards in the vicinity.

Together, K’larr and the new lady whittle away at the smaller targets as Char comets the shambling bush’s HP back into mortal territory. Sadly, Char’s ability to do massive damage continues to point him out as a bull’s eye. He is also constricted, and his scarred body is contributed to the pile of fallen party members. K’larr takes the opportunity to bravely rush the radius of Murderoot McCertaindeath and grab his beloved Sage and less beloved Dambrio and drag them back into the narrow entryway. He revives them as the new half-elf fires more arrows at the tree. As it is idle for 0.5 seconds, it decides that it is quite famished after all the ass kicking it’s handed out. Dolomite is the lifeless body it chooses to gnaw upon as it then decides to turn and move at an ungodly pace towards the helper. She runs. She runs, very far. The shambling bush gives chase with snack in tow, but quickly gives up, probably deciding more food is back inside its muddy bedroom/kitchen.

By this time, K’larr and Sage are back up to decent health with the help of the also recently revived Dambrio. K’larr goes to bring Char to his feet, wisely leaving the inept druidic gnome unconscious and, thankfully, uneaten. But, the tree lumbers back for more. Char instinctively continues pelting his quarry. This time, however, Char strikes a nerve. The bush reaches up and pulls the house down, sending swarms of centipedes and muck in all directions.

After realizing that there are no murderous bramble-arms behind her, the Arrow Woman returns to the scene of near nauseous and cut and bleeding strangers. K’larr, in hero mode this entire battle, steels himself and pulls Sage out of wriggling, poisonous critters. Arrow Woman is struck down by the tree before it decides to book it out of there, badger-bits and all. Seeing a person fall, Char shows a moment of rare sentiment, especially towards half-demons, and revives Arrow Woman. Random savior lady then whips out a seemingly endless supply of alchemist’s fire and lights up several patches of the creepy-crawlies. Char gives some helpful hints on killing things to the stranger, and chases after the suddenly cowardly tree. In the distance, a hollow thud is heard as a monstrous creature meets its deserved end.

But, here, the swarm spreads slowly toward the fallen gnome. Close to death, talking to Baervan, unknowingly severed from his last emotional crux, Dolomite, Prae’s body is bitten by hundreds of difficult to hit centipedes, as the party deliberates whether or not to risk setting the entire scene on fire. Before anyone can act, Dambrio, in a moment of selflessness possibly never before attempted, channels the being of some great controlling Author and crawls to the bug covered Prae, grabs his lifeless form, heals him, and leaps backwards into a nook-ish corner of the room whilst turning mid-air to shield Prae from further harm, passing out upon landing. I’m surprised there was not more fanfare for this. The newcomer, her target free from allies, sets the bugs on fire as Char returns.

Out With the Old, In With the Laran

With the swarms gone, the bush chopped, and all party members healed, the stranger dares to meet up with something other than a shadowy creature. It turns out, Laran, a half-elf lady bowwoman, is actually quite hungry, tired and confused and searching for an end-all adventure of her life. Sage immediately lays down the splendor of Tymora and breaks out the decks of cards and various gambling paraphernalia. Dambrio also immediately lays down the splendor of bard-ness. Char assumes she is another half-demon and perhaps thinks that all half-demons know each other. Prae begins calling for Dolomite to return from where ever he was while performing his badassery. K’larr, oddly, stays quite instead of boasting that he probably saved everyone’s lives.

At some point, someone reminds everyone that Sued is waiting on a boat with food – and booze. However, Char pipes up that he wants to keep going in the direction of the shambling mound corpse, perhaps not too keen on watching Sage gamble with a lost and dazed starving person, or to simply carve cudgels out of victory wood. Prae joins Char and travels on a bit further, wanting to find Dolomite, as the others stay behind and chat. Well – fun stuff – Char, with his excellent eyesight, notices the gnawed upon body of the late, great Dolomite. In a stroke of genius, Char yells at Prae to run, run far away and warn the others! Assuming more danger, Prae returns and raises the alarm. The crew, battered and drained, gets ready for another fight as Char returns, dragging the shambling mound behind him. Char shows Dolomite’s remains to K’larr and Sage, who pull Prae aside and begin breaking the news. Laran bears witness to a grown man…gnome…break down for a moment, and suddenly slice off his deceased friend’s paws and claws, skin what’s left of him, and plant him in the shadowy mud.

For some reason, possibly madness, Laran decides to join the party on its quest to seek and destroy all evil, and after deliberation, join them for noms back on the [sic] LeCrem. Upon arriving at the skeleton crewed boat, Sage engages Laran in some kind of dagger throwing game, and Prae joins in for light conversation. Sued makes a fantastic meal and all call it an evening after remembering that we must play “Zelda’s Lullaby” from the boat at Black Tree Bend to gain access to some other nigh impregnable fortress. Prae had a dream with badgers, and Char had a nightmare with boobies.

The next morning, the adventurers awoke and set out on another short river cruise, all the while using the keenest eyes aboard to seek out Black Tree Bend. As it turns out, some evil-doer has a real sick sense of humor, Black Tree Bend being an undead giant dragon teenage mutant ninja turtle. Dambrio did us proud and played the tune that allows us to pass unharmed.

The crew docks at a monastery walkpath. Deciding, once again, that sneaky, sneaky ways in are better than the front door method, we set to business charting the perimeter. This time, Prae actually uses some powers, and shapeshifts into a crow which flies around the keep. Prae relays the message of the surroundings, probably thinking there was an imaginary hole in the wall around the place, and Char and K’larr decide to shift up to a portion of the wall and carry some of the party in, while positioning others outside an unguarded door. On the count of go, the team opens up and files into the courtyard outside of another unguarded door hiding a gloomy and mysterious room that Prae’s crow eyes could not penetrate. Attempts to slowly open the door and go unnoticed are futile, and those in the front of the line see several winged statues shift in anticipation, or perhaps, someone they hunt has finally looked away, and now they can move.

Tenth Session Recap (May 5th, 2012) – Ninthday, Eleint 29th, 1374 DR
Phase of Selûne – Waxing Gibbous

Brief, possibly wrong, summary:

(it should be noted that I’m going on about 3 hours of interrupted sleep. The A/C at my client’s house broke and I haven’t gotten to really sleep so much as nap while that was getting dealt with—all is well now, but it’s a bit late to just go to sleep. So I remain up, and you get my ramblings and possible false memories as a result. Apologies).

After the fight on the skeletal barge (in other words, a barge on a river in the Shadow Realm crewed by thankfully uninterested skeletons and an enemy that K’Larr decided to engage without the rest of the group—luckily, some of us can walk on water. Others can do just fine getting to the barge in a round), the group decided to try the other path on land and leave Sued to play with boat controls.

They discovered the bramble-y warrens of the Shadowslain Lizardfolk, the guys that were being douchey and sucking away Sage’s and Prae’s spells like it was some sort of cosmic delight, as well as kidnapping other lizards and making them into more undead abominations. It looked like a bunch of wattle and mud burrows, with twigs and brambles helping to support it.

The group decided to head inside through the front gate after some discussion and scouting. The one person that is a rogue in the entire party decided to, yet again, head in first, but cleverly drank his “Hide from Undead” potion. Unfortunately, the lizards, who lay in ambush, weren’t fooled. Well, except one dude (unlucky shucky-ducky), who was totally fooled, but got yelled at to throw into the empty air—then managed to crit K’Larr.

Suffice to say, battle ensued. They kept throwing snakes in pots at us (which we should still have a few of that we found later), but luckily those didn’t really do much other than confuse us. The lizard folk sucked some more spells.

I believe this is also the battle that Awesome Lizard Chieftain with a Death Wish (Gathan) stupidly died in. Stupidly, because 3 out of 4 people realized that they should have run the battle completely differently than they had, most of which would have likely saved the Lizard Dude’s life. But we didn’t, so he died. Boo.

Then we continued on in the warrens and discovered some of the still-alive-good-type of Lizardfolk. We battled the guys holding them prisoner and rescued them. We sent Lizard Dude’s body back with them through the portal into the normal plane of existence.

Next, we found ourselves a water reptile (DM’s note – Banelar, a type of fanatical Naga). I want to say something that I’ve heard of before which should kill us, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a dragon (since that’s the, you know, boss battle). Or a hydra. So I don’t quite remember. After a bit of quick parlaying (“Who are you adventurers—tell me everything about where you’re from and who you are before I kill you so I can go tell the head evil dragon and we can wreck terror and havoc down upon those who sent you here” “Um, we’re from a nice little town—wait a second…” “Oh drat, you caught on, Magic Attack!”), battle occurred.

The water reptile managed to send an annoying Stinking Cloud into the bottlenecked passage that connected us to its lair, but it was decided that Blind-fight did allow you to move through things you can’t see through at full speed, and the battle was quickly joined. Some fun times and the creature was rather quickly dismayed to find that our little band of adventurers wasn’t going to just roll over and die.

I think we killed it, despite it not thinking we would, but at the very least it headed off to join the fellow mercenaries of Evil Douchebags Who Got Away and Will Fight Us All at the End of the Campaign Just to Annoy Us. It was some form of a victory. (DM’s note — It got away with less than 10 hp remaining)

I also managed to set off a trap in some sort of statue hall by stepping in the wrong place during combat (wait, no, that might have happened during the free the prisoners fight?)

Char is annoyed with Dambrio for dragging his stuff around when Char wanted to leave it outside while we clean things out, Dambrio is running out of singing awesomeness but turns out to make a halfway decent back up healer (notably by forcing potions down people’s throats), Prae and Dolemite can cast some awesome and powerful spells (well, Prae can and Dolomite’s been doing well as the sweet ride), and K’Larr needs to maybe stop going first or something, but has been doing well as a general rule.

When we last left the party, the Dungeon Master had yet again managed to sweet talk the party into suicide. “Oh, there’s only this little bit left, you guys shouldn’t wait around and rest up to be at full strength/health/spells, it won’t take long…” “Really? Well, I guess we can…we open the door.” “HAHAHAHA! Bam! Shambling Mounds!!!” “!!! WHAT?!?!”

And thus the party’s lives end.