Crit on Spa ta Check Part 1
I rubbed the scar on my chin trying to process the news. Barker the Barbarian Half-Orc stood out of breath in the middle of the room. Ha had stumbled upon some interesting information while looking for the thieves guild and hurried across town to tell me and the rest of the party.
“So let me get this straight, there’s a peasant activist running around the city threatening to destroy popular noble locations regardless of the casualties?” I managed to put together over his initial rambling.
“Big Boom! They no like Nobles bein bossy.” The Half-Orc grinned proud of himself.
A dribble of spit hung from his chin, a result or the many explosion sounds Barker had imitated during his story.
“They must be stopped! Innocent lives are at risk! Quickly let us leave now!” Lance jumped out of his chair, hand on the hilt of his sword. Like every Paladin he had no trouble filling the stereotype. Where there are innocents in danger you will find a Paladin running head first into said danger.
“Easy Lance, we need to approach this quietly.” Camile said in her calm soft voice. “we don’t want to lose the element of surprise”
“My sister is right, we need to find out potential targets. Anywhere nobles like to hang out.” Jasper butted in. “marketplaces, inns, theaters, taverns..”
“Tavern it is” I interrupted with a grin.
“This place has a spa?!” I exclaimed.
Camile and I were standing at a desk in the corner of the tavern. A pale well kept man stood behind it, his nose slightly up turned while we were in his presence. Behind him a curtain blocked what I presumed to be the entrance to the spa.
“How many are using it right now? Is it popular or what?” I fired out questions. I’m not one to dance around them, sure I sounded like the bomber but to catch the bomber you have to think like a bomber.
“The spa is priced for it’s privacy among other pleasures, it is not our policy to delve information on our clientele. That being said unless you are interested in our services you may move back to your table so other customers may access my assistance.” He sneered. I got ready to reach across the desk and beat the information out of him when I felt a delicate hand on my arm. Camile glanced at me and then asked the man the price.
“Fifty for one or Seventy-Five for the couple’s package”
“Fifty?” I coughed, I eyed Camile, who as usual showed only a look of mild interest.
She leaned over the table placing her hands on the desk. Bringing her elbows together in a way that made her…. “stand out”
“Is there any way we can get a tour, we just want to see the facility.” She cooed. The man showed no reaction aside annoyance. Judging by his hair and clothing he may not be one that Camile’s inventory has effect on.
“Certainty not, again we pride ourselves on privacy and…”
“yea yea yea, exclusive whatever. Alright let me talk it over with my um… wife here.” I pulled Camile to the side to speak private. Using Dwarven tongue to keep pretty boy from listening in.
“Whats ya think” I said to her in butchered Dwarven slang
“Wife?” she responded in the tongue as if insulted.
I rolled my eyes, “Whats ya think?”
“I think you sound drunk and your dwarven accent is horrible” Even for a guttural language she still managed to add that extra coo to her voice that could melt a man.
“No, I meanz what ifin this place be da stonez shits.”
“Excuse me? Watch your tongue”
“It meanz place 2 b” I responded annoyed
“Well if we have too then we can go in, although I will not continue this conversation and let you slaughter the Dwarven language with your horrible slang.” She turned to walk back to the desk.
“That be how I learned it on da Streetz”
“Enough,” she said in common looking back over her shoulder. I felt insulted, my mother would be proud that I even knew what I knew in Dwarven. The Military is not the proper class room for learning a language but what I learned gets me by. I followed her to the desk.
The attendant looked at us with weakly hidden contempt. “Done grunting with each other? Make up your minds?”
I could see for a split second a flair of annoyance cross Camile’s face and just as quickly her smile came through and she was working her charm.
“We have decided to join the spa for the day we will have the…” She paused and glanced at me, “couples package” I nodded with a grin and got an eye roll in response from her.
“Excellent! That will be 75 gold for the package I would like to be the first to thank you and welcome you to our spa.” He said with a grace we had not seen before. He bowed slightly and then looked at me expectantly.
“The hell you lookin…” I was interrupted by a cough from Camile. She tapped her finger on the desk and made a circle motion.
“Oh,” I reached for my coin purse, “wait a sec…” I paused looking back at Camile. She batted her eye lashes and smiled. The attendant raised an eyebrow and his smile subsided slightly. “shitz…” I sighed in Dwarven and took 75 gold from my purse stacking it neatly in front of him on the desk.
We were led past the curtain and into a room with multiple draped areas. There were four small sections on each side of the room just big enough to be changing rooms. The far wall had larger curtain leading even further into the spa.
“Just how far back does this place go?” I wondered to myself aloud.
The attendant made a clapping sound, the large curtains in the back of the room parted and 2 lovely female half-elves entered the room gracefully.
“These ladies will help you to your dressing areas as well as help you stow your goods.”
With a smile and a curtsy they approached us, guiding us each into our own small curtained area. I gave a questioning glance at Camile and she just responded with one that said “go with it”
The half-elf assigned to me went to the closest dressing room and pulled back the curtain revealing a small bench, weapon stand, armor stand as well as some neatly stacked towels. She said nothing but simply smiled and gestured me in. I walked in and set my guisarm on the weapon stand still unsure of my surroundings. I could hear a lute softly being played somewhere and the smell of lavender hung in the air.
“Do you require help with your armor ser?” Startled I turned to the feint mouse like voice of the girl.
“Uhhhhh sure.” I responded dumbly. She scurried over my armor un-strapping and un-clamping like a true pro, removing my breast plate in under a minute.
“Wow, not bad. Where’d you learn your way around armor like that?” I asked, she responded with a mischievous grin and with a slip of the hand my sword belt fell to the floor. I felt my face heating up just as a commotion started outside the dressing room.
“Whoa! Nope! Out!” I could hear Camile’s voice. It was her tone of voice she used with me when I do something wrong. I poked my head through the curtains to make sure she was ok. The dressing room curtains across the way parted as the other half elf hurried out unsure of what she did wrong. Camile followed wrapped in a robe with a look of shock. The robe was slightly too big for her, slipping down one shoulder. Her auburn hair was down and covered the exposed skin almost playfully. The attendant hurried in from the front room.
“Sorry madam what seems to be the issue?”
“The issue is I don’t take kindly to people nibbling my neck without my permission.” Camile snapped. The attendant looked alarmed at her comment.
“My apologies madam I will address the situation.” He beckoned the half-elf girl over to him and started speaking to her in elven in a hushed but angered voice. I didn’t understand a damn thing but I could tell Camile was listening in. He shooed the girl away and turning to Camile put on that big fake smile of his.
“I apologize again madam, Allow me to pay for any of your drinks while staying here. I regret to have troubled you the inconvenience. I will speak with her in private about her transgressions”
Camile collected herself, “No it is fine. It is not her fault, she did not know it was a couple’s package.” The attendant returned to his look of alarm, most likely surprised at her understanding elven.
“uhhh ye-ye-yes, again, drinks on the house, once you are finished getting ready just head to the back curtains.” He said stuttering slightly. Camile nodded
She turned back around towards her dressing room. Her hair swaying to the side revealing the skin the robe was failing to cover. She glanced over her shoulder and saw me poking my head from my dressing room.
“uhhh you umm, uhhh, everything ok?” I said again doing my best half-orc impression.
She turned to face me and gave an amused look as if she knew a joke I didn’t.
“Just a misunderstanding.”
I tried my best to be smooth but couldn’t help it. “Nibbled… your neck?” I said with a stupid grin. Looking at me, her jaw slightly open in a “Are you kidding me…” look. She shook her head in annoyance, noticed her robe was slipping and adjusted it. She walked back into her dressing room and gave me one last glance before closing the curtains. Maybe it was just me but I thought I saw a slight smirk before she closed it.
“Ser? Is everything ok?” I heard the half-elf girls mouse like voice. I pulled my head back into the room and turned. I had completely forgotten she was in the room. “Would you like me ser to help with your trous…. Oh my hee hee hee” She giggled.
“What are you…” I looked down and noticed what she was giggling about. I grabbed a nearby robe and covered myself. “She was nibbling her come on….” I picked up my sword belt off the ground.
“Oh, I could nibble if that is your wish?” She leaned closer to me with a desire in her eyes.
“What? No, wait….. yea no, thanks for the offer, I can finish undressing thank you, ummm please wait outside for me.”
“Whatever suits you,” she walked by clicking her teeth together and I was left alone in the dressing room to think of dead kittens and female ogres.