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Zyf's Journal Part 37
This Journal entry brought to you by Zyf, devoted of Myn
Takin’ it to The Man!
Starring
DoleFlann and SuperZyf TNT
DoleFlann sat alone in the prison dining hall eating his gruel; the other inmates shied away from the brooding sorceror. In a far corner, gold was exchanged, and a towering brute of an ogre walked towards the baddest mother fucker on the block.
“You in my seat,” said the beast.
“Don’t jive me, you no account rat soup eatin’ sucker,” said DoleFlann, “I know you workin’ for The Man. Now go on back to where you started, man, or you gonna have to deal with DoleFlann!”
Enraged, the great hulking goon lurched forward and grabbed DoleFlann around the neck easily lifting him from his chair but, he did not count on the kung fu mastery of DoleFlann who kicked out catching the monster under the chin with the toe of his boot knocking him cold.
“Shee-it, fool,” said DoleFlann to the prostrate form, “you big, you ugly, but you fall just like all the rest of them.” And here he raised his voice so those on the outskirts could hear him more easily. “Keep on sendin’ ‘em and I’ll keep on stompin’ ’em!”
A dozen guards charged the table surrounding DoleFlann. “Time to see the warden,” said one of them prodding the bad ass pimp in the chest with an oaken cudgel.
“Don’t mess the shirt, fool,” replied DoleFlann as cool as a mountain glacier.
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Meanwhile, on the ghetto streets of Chandegar, the best dressed healer in the Avitian Empire strutted in his highly shined alligator boots with a stern look of annoyance on his bronzed features. The priest was on his way to collect on a debt and everyone on the streets knew that crossing the formidable cleric while he was conducting business was a surefire way to get bitch slapped or worse. Finally, he turned into an abandoned looking wreck of a building in the worst part of town.
“Who dere?” asked a voice from within.
“It’s me! Now, open the goddam door afore I kick it down,” he commanded.
The door opened slowly so the person on the other side could verify that it was, indeed, SuperZyf but, instead, SuperZyf kicked hard at the door sending the other flying into the room where he landed next to a scantily clad bitch.
“Listen up, you owe me money,” he started. “Don’t argue with me, man, I’m trying to give you a chance. Now, if you don’t get me my money tonight, I’m gonna put that young girl of your’s out on whore’s row.”
“Listen, Priest,” begged the other, “that’s my wife you’re talking about.”
“So what? Now somebody’s gonna work tonight. You really shouldn’t’ve fucked with my money!”
“I’ll get it, I’ll get it!”
“You dam right, but for now, I’ll just take this bitch with me so you remember who you owe! C’mere bitch!” And with that, he grabbed the comely lass around the waist and teleported back to his fly pimp bedroom.
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Back at the warden’s office, DoleFlann sat in a high backed chair staring into the eyes of the warden.
“DoleFlann, I have bad news for you,” started the warden, “your family was gunned down in Avitus.”
“Damn!” said DoleFlann. “All of ’em?”
“Yes,” said the warden, “your feeble old white-haired mother, your kid brother who just got that scholarship to play ball and your little sister with the leukemia and the lisp.”
“Damn!” said DoleFlann. “I got to get out of here and find out wha’s going on back home!”
“I know,” said the warden, “and I have strict orders to release you because you’re the only person in the whole world with the attitude, the fighting ability and the street knowledge to find out what happened.”
“Damn!” said DoleFlann. “I ain’t working for The Man!”
“You won’t be,” said the warden, “only you, me and the mayor know you’re doing this. We need to know who Mister Big is and we need to know fast! The police and the feds are in his pocket and there’s no way for honest folk to get a chance with him pulling all the strings. We need your help, DoleFlann!”
“Damn!” said DoleFlann. “I might need some help, too, and I know exactly the pimp to get. Send me to Chandegar!”
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“That was the best loving I ever had,” said the blonde woman.
“Me too,” said the Elven chick.
“That goes triple for me,” said the hobbit lass.
“Shh, you’re gonna wake up the rest of the bitches,” said the priest gesturing to the two other fully satisfied women deeply asleep in the massive bed.
The door opened and another super hot chick with big titties walked in with DoleFlann close behind.
“DoleFlann!” exclaimed SuperZyf leaping out of bed. “I thought you were still in jail doing time for that crime you didn’t commit?”
“I was,” said DoleFlann, “but I got out because there’s a bigger crime going on and it goes all the way to the top, the toppest of the top!”
“Mister Big?” asked SuperZyf as DoleFlann nodded. “I knew there would come a day when we’d have to team up to bring him down! What’s the plan?”
“I’m gonna let ‘em know that DoleFlann is back on the scene! I’m gonna let ‘em know that DoleFlann is my name, and fuckin’ up motherfuckers is my game! But first, I been in prison for a while,” said DoleFlann eyeing the nubile flesh spread across the massive bed.
“Help yourself,” said the priest, “I’ll make some calls and put the word out on the street; together DoleFlann and SuperZyf TNT cannot be beat!”
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“Both of them?” asked Mister Big getting more and more irate.
“Yes sir,” said the Mayor (I bet you didn’t see THAT coming!).
“Oh, I hate them so much and now they’re working together,” spat Mister Big. “I can wipe both of them out in one shot! Well done Mayor, or should I say, Governor?”
“Thank you, sir,” said the newly promoted governor.
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“Word is,” said SuperZyf, “that Mister Big lives up in Avitus. I can get us there, but he’s bound to be surrounded by a vitual army of flunkies.”
“Just get me close,” said DoleFlann, “and my Sorceror Kung Fu will do the rest!”
“Right, here we go!” {{GREATER TELEPORT}} directly into Mister Big’s office.
“DOLEFLANN! SUPERZYF TNT!” exclaimed Mister Big rising from behind his ornate desk. “GUARDS!”
“The guards will do you no good, you no-business, born-insecure, jock-jawed motherfucker!” replied DoleFlann as the guards flooded into the large office.
SuperZyf charged the group swinging his pimp cane with abandon chopping down guard after guard with his drug-dealin’ pussy-feelin’ money-stealin’ divinely inspired super cleric kung-fu. “I got these chumps,” he shouted over the screams of the guards. “Take down Mister Big, DoleFlann!”
“You? Against ME?!” asked Mister Big coming around the desk, cracking his knuckles and flexing his arms. “They don’t call me ‘Mister Big’ just because I’m the head of the most notorious criminal empire in the entire Imperium. I’ve waited for this moment for a long time! I’ve trained for years! You can’t beat me in a fight, DoleFlann, because my kung-fu is better than yours.”
“Kung-fu? Oh, hell no,” said DoleFlann. “Kung-Fu is just something I do in my spare time.” {{DISINTEGRATE}} And, Mister Big became a big pile of ash on the carpeted floor.
“That’s for the people in the streets, mother-fucker! For the revolution of the small people! For my mammy, my kid brother and my sick sister! That’s for all the pain, hate and bullshit you laid on the people all these years!” said DoleFlann to the remains. “SuperZyf, let’s go!”
“Right on, brother! Time to go home and get back to what we do best,” said SuperZyf, “pimpin’!”
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Happy Birthday, Seth!
Go to chapter 38, of Zyf’s Journals!
Or, just go here and see them all.
