Although this is only my third letter, it will probably also be my last, and I regret that you will never be able to read it. For you no longer exist, in making my deciscion I have sacrificed you and the future of many people. I know that I will probably save millions by making this deciscion but I have robbed an entire generation of their free will by enforcing my own.
The situation had grown so dire that I no-longer saw any light. Magical armies and magical diseases cannot be fought with mere steel. At first I thought that the human spirit, the will to prevail above all else would suffice, but I was proven wrong. The plague had spread to the entire kingdom and I when I was told by the mysterious stranger that yet another inhuman army was setting sail for our shores. I could do nothing but turn back the clock to prevent these dreadful events.
And so I find myself here, 60 years in to the past, at what once was the turning point of history. I have stopped the closing of the gate for now, asked you not to use the artifact and I was glad to see that you listened.
Now we are faced with the demon gates once more, but at least there is magic to aid us. I find it incredibly ironic to write these words for in truth I grow weary of mighty mages and their world altering spells. I love you my dear, I always will, the time period matters not. But in this letter I will tell you how I also feel, and maybe that will give me the will to go on.
60 years ago I was nothing but a pawn in a giant chess game against the gods. You assured me I was more to you than that, I guess that now I will find out. No matter how bad it got in the future, in a world without magic, I always felt that at least we controlled our own destiny. I cursed that we had no magic, but at least our enemies didn’t either. No more mages with the power of gods. Now I see how wrong I was. Magic was just taken from us, the mortals. Dragons and mages such as you and Valterra kept their might, increased it by comparison. Me and my companions never saved the world and never will. This world is a playground for all of you, and now and again, to keep the illusion going, to keep the masses content , you allow mortal “heroes” to play the role of pawns in your games. Our actions have no influence, should we take an action not expected then the results are altered. You wanted the gods gone and you made it happen, no matter the consequences for others, Valterra wanted the future altered and made it happen. Both actions were chosen by me, but push a lemming to a cliff and of course he will jump. I tried so very hard to keep you out of the new war in the future, I refused your aid because I wanted to know that we could do it ourselves. I was overjoyed that you accepted this. That is why I trusted you. Your younger self however….
My choices were to no avail. We could have handled any normal enemy and even one of the three cataclysms that were unfolding, but not all three. In the end it was a mage with god-like power who had to intervene yet again. I kept you out but Valterra took your place as savior. Had I chosen to remain the world would have been destroyed because you removed all magic. Had I asked you for help you would have saved the day with your power. Now I am here and we require you to aid us as well in closing a gate you opened. In every scenario we are dependant on the power of giants. As I said we are no heroes, we are but pawns.
And now this pawn is wondering on which fool’s errand he will be sent now. I will go, no doubt about it. I will go and serve my role as I have the past few years. I will go and play the role of hero. I will lead my allies, I will fight and suffer together with them and in the end I am sure a solution brought forth by either you or some other great player will save us all. But know that I know now what I am.
Concerning the demon Gates I know that before you came along we were doing nothing useful. It was you who told us of the artifacts. I am sure you will soon find another solution, or you might use the crown anyway. I will not ask the younger you to make the same promise not to interfere as you did. I was shown the use of that. None.
Strangly I feel a little better now. This is the first time ever that I allowed myself to admit what my role was these past few decades. I do not deny my free will or the choices I made. I will always carry the responsibility for these choices. My free will was pointless however as the knowledge and power of those who offered me these choices dwarfs my own.
Now that I admitted this to myself maybe I can begin anew. A true second chance to save the world. Not with magic of all powerfull creatures but with the might of mortals. With faith and hope.
I will return to a temple as soon as I can to atone for my actions. I will find a mortal mage to aid me and I will find a way to close this gate.
As I finish writing this letter I am about to meet with you, at least your younger self to discuss all that has happened. You are talking to all of us. I will not lie. I will tell it all as it happened. I hope you will prove to be the same woman I now. I hope our love means more to you than anything else, as it does to me. I still remember the nights when you came to my tent to be comforted. The last of your race, filled with visions of death and doom. I hope none of that was an act. That woman will understand what needs to be done. That is the woman I need with me, not the all powerful wizard Lydia. I will not accept any more contracts or deals and I will not allow my companions to do so neither.
I am done. I can write no more because despite my anger I miss you too much. I will burn this letter as it will never reach you.
Until my dying breath I will think of the times we had together, the many years in our tower, hidden away from the world. I am now the only one who still remembers.
For ever yours,