When last I wrote in my journal I said I would not give up. I have. I have criticized Wolfgang for his cowardice but my own is far greater. I could no longer face our enemies and I ran. I left our World behind in search of another, one with lesser problems. I turned my back on all I knew, on all I was responsible for.
My plan to visit the elven lands turned out to be folly. It would take us the better part of a year to reach those lands and by then all would be lost. Add to that the fact that my group and I were being followed and attacked by magical undead hounds and you will understand that our situation was getting worse, fast. The hounds were strong, strong enough to almost kill me, despite my armor and shield. We killed two, two more showed up. Our future, as that of the entire World, looked bleak.
And then again, magic intervened. One night a strange dome of magical fog surrounded our camp. We traveled through it to find a strange man sitting in a great stone hall. He was cloacked and refused to reveal his identity. He informed us that he was there to offer me a choice. I could undo everything that had happened the past 60 years, I could travel back to the moment when we closed the demon gate and purged the World of magic. I could stop it all from happening and in so doing stop the current problems from ever presenting themselves. Or I could not. I could leave it all the way it was and try to fight on, with his humble help. There were other choices, I could face the one responsible for it all, I could be taken to Lydia to ask her for help… None of them were relevant.
It took me several hours to decide. At first I wanted to tell the man to leave it all the way it was. There was still hope. We could still help. After a while however, as I tried to find a plan to stop the current problems I came to realise that I was clinging to idle hope, to ideas that would never work. At best I could save a few thousand people. Millions would die within days. The plague would continue to spread, the anubians would advance and another army would arrive from another continent within a year. What could I hope to achieve against those odds? The man had even seen the future, a future in which I had failed, so it would seem that even if I fight back my actions would be insufficiënt.
So in the end, with a pain I had not felt since I felt the presence of the One was ripped from my heart I agreed to turn back the clock. As I said, I ran. My cowardice was complete because I did not plan to lead my companions in the past. I thought that we would return to that fatefull day, to me and my old companions standing on that hill and that I could convince my younger self not to activate the crown. I would succeed at that. After that it would be up to my younger self to lead the fight against the demons as he had been doing for a few years. I would advise my companions to follow him and I would leave. I had planned to travel to the nearest temple of the One, atone for all I had done and then I planned on taking my own life. I am over 90 years old and I have seen and lived through more than anyone should. I am nota n all-powerfull wizard or demi-god. I am a mortal man who has been used one to many times.
It did not turn out that way however. We did return to the hill and I did manage to stop the activation of the artifact, but we have taken the place of my younger self and his companions. I have come full circle as once again I am responsible for closing the demon Gates. I do not know if I am up to the task. We will see. I have to pull myself together once more and go on. I miss my home however. I have left my wife behind, the home I had constructed for myself the past 60 years.
Lydia is here, but I will need to see if she is the same woman. I had 60 years to get to know her. Here we are only married for a few months. My dreams of a family have gone, at the very least they have been postponed for several years. Unless something happens I will not live that long anymore. I feel old, these events have hollowed out what little spirit I had left. I cannot leave the world to the demons however. Somehow I will need to find a way to fight on. To find new hope