Didn’t sleep in as late as usual today, things on my mind still and wanted to think them through rather than sleep. The dream for my new gift was interesting too, but a somewhat chilling flashback to the silver mine. At least wasn’t the first time I’d felt the fear though and I could think my way out, which is what the gift does, lets me think my way out of tight spots. Keeta was either asleep or pretending to be so I went and had a bath. I saw I had an e-mail from her and I responded. She’d had a good idea, and some questions that I also wanted to know the answer to. I know she’s been able to speak to our totem in private before and her plan was for us to have a conversation with her again and get these answers.
When I’d done with my bath I heard voices downstairs so I figured it was a good time to go down and chat. I picked up my list of things to do and went down. I spoke to the alpha and suggested we did some of the things on the list. I also pointed out I’d nearly finished my silver weapon, in a hope that it would motivate others to do theirs. Such was the deal we’d made with our totem and I think that we should definitely keep her on side. Keeta also wanted to get on with her change of image and go shopping, which some how managed to start an argument that would last all day. We agreed that we’d look to dealing with The Leatherman later in the week, which is good for two reasons; firstly I have hardly any money left until my next dividend and second I have no idea what to do with the meeting. We talked about discovering if Fire Touched gave their kin names or not and Bo suggested we used Know Name on Susan Lakeshore to find out, as we knew for certain she was Fire Touched kin, I could try and trace her on GPS if someone called her so I could activate it and then we’d see her. Finally we agreed that we would tell Colin about Lee, and also tell Lee about Colin.
I broke into a security firms system so I could trace phone GPS signals through it and Bo gave her a call. It seems she’d been looking for Bo in relation to Foster’s office fire, GPS showed her at the police station and that’s where she wanted to meet us. Keeta went off and got her old clothes together while I put the last touches to my mould. We got into the pick up and as we headed to the police station the whole shopping bickering continued so I just sat there feeling awkward. We got taken as a group into the meeting with Susan and Bo talked to her. I managed to discern her Fire Touched name, though it’s in First Tongue so I probably couldn’t pronounce it well. Bo and Susan bullshitted each other for a bit and then we left. She asked about Foster a couple of times and Bo said he was out of town and unwell.
Then we got to shopping, and Keeta seemed obsessed with buying clothes for Bo, while Bo pretended to be interested in the whole thing, I’m not sure if he was mocking her or not, but I know she was mocking him. I took every chance I could get to be alone with my thoughts during this expedition. What do I feel about Keeta? It’s a good question. Our attempted counselling session allowed me to look past the fear of losing my friend so I could actually think a bit clearer on the subject. For some reason today though the biggest question in my mind was how fair the situation was for Keeta? I touched on it during our talk the night before, how ever I answered would lead to a hardly perfect situation. Either she’d be in love with someone that didn’t love her back or she’d be in love with someone she could never fully connect with. We’d never be able to have children, that’s important to women, well and Uratha in general but mostly to women. I’ve already pretty much resigned myself to the fact I have no right to have children, my mistake before was a clear enough indication of that but Keeta? Could I make that decision for her? Had she already made that decision for herself just because of me? I also then started to wonder why I was thinking so much about how it was going to affect her when I was meant to be searching for my own feelings on the matter. I guess it’s because I care, but is that as a friend or as more?
I’d realised by this point in the shopping process that it was more about the argument between Bo and Keeta than getting what we’d come out for so I popped off and bought the resin we needed for making different shaped weapons and getting a decent sharpening block as well. We popped into the Mexican restaurant for an awkward meal, at least it was for me and then we went into a Book Shop that seemed to have appeared over night. At Bo’s request I did a Know Name and a Sense Weakness on the shop owner but I have no idea why. I headed off to the psychology section to see if I could find some clues as to my pack’s mood this day. I get that Keeta would be out of sorts today, but things seemed to be more involved than that and I figured either I’d missed something or………. No that had to be it, I had to have missed something surely? Around that point I figured if Bo was going to be paranoid about this annoying sales man I would take something of his to scent later, just in case he turns out to be blooded or something else not entirely human. I was going to lift the quill from his desk when I saw an apple core in his bin. I bagged it in one of Fosters bags and tucked it away for later and promptly forgot about it.
Thankfully that ended our shopping trip and on the way back to the car Bo said that he had seen First Tongue runes in a book in there. This didn’t strike me as too strange as I’ve seen them on internet sites before, it’s not like us Forsaken are flawless with our cover ups. When we got back in the truck I tried to clear up the situation between Keeta and Bo, but typically I got nowhere. I really can’t do these social things so I just went quiet and drove to Lee’s bar to check the place out; I went straight in and up stairs. I put away the no dried washing up I’d done the day before, saw nothing was out of place and headed back downstairs. Bo and Keeta had confirmed the downstairs was fine so we drove on to the hospital. The idea was to talk to Lee, tell him about Colin and see what happened from there. As usual not a full plan and when we got there I found out Bo wanted me to do the talking which really just topped off what had been a terrible day so far. I tried my best thinking on the spot to talk to him but I couldn’t wait for the conversation to end. He said we could go tell Colin he was here, which was the result we wanted but I don’t think I took a very good clear route to it.
Keeta called Colin to say we were on our way to see him and we met him in the staff room again. I seemed to end up doing a lot of the talking here too, I guess with their bickering earlier it was probably better that Bo and Keeta didn’t get involved too much but I didn’t find it that comfortable a situation. Somehow I managed to convince Colin that I was able to read minds though so he eventually believed that the guy upstairs was indeed Lee Snow but he still wanted to go up and see for himself. When he saw him he nodded and didn’t look pleased. He promised to pull some strings and look into Lee for us. I’m not sure how to deal with this turn of events until yesterday I thought Lee was the only helpful person our pack had met and now we’re doubting him too, and trusting Colin who we don’t really know, but probably won’t lie because he thinks I can read his mind.
Either way I was actually pleased to get back to the warehouse. Both Donatello and George had pretty much finished with their moulds and I poured in the molten silver into theirs and mine as soon as they were done. Keeta was after something fairly complicated and wasn’t sure how to do it so I sat with her and helped her work on her mould while the silver in the others cooler. Bo was off working on his own and I figured it was probably a good idea to keep the two of them separate, despite the fact Bo was probably the best person to help Keeta.
While we were alone I asked Keeta how we’d go about talking to the Totem privately, as I know she has in the past. She told me how and that she’d already talked to her about what was in the e-mail. I was somewhere between annoyed and grateful at this so I just went with it, as I’d said to her in our chat until this was resolved I was going to take the better way of seeing and hearing things cause the last thing I needed was imagined insults in my head. She said that Lilithsu can’t detect or affect the ghost child, if it does indeed exist. She would however try to find a spirit that could but we’d have to talk to it ourselves and make our own deals. This seemed fair to me and I was glad Keeta had broached the subject. I would have felt the need to explain why I might have had a ghost child to our totem and it’s still not something I find easy to talk about. She had also asked about prevention. I was correct in my assumption that our bodies would not let us have an operation to prevent child birth, they’d heal themselves. But normal contraception would probably work. Of course it’s never been considered to be 100% reliable.
The thing that struck me as really odd is that I could have this conversation with Keeta without feeling awkward. Is that a good sign or a bad one? If I’m in love with her would I be relaxed about such conversations or would I be even more awkward than normal? But does our friendship change how that is anyway? I’ve not found anything I can’t talk to Keeta about so far so maybe it’s due to that connection? I’m probably reading too much into everything at the moment and it has to stop soon. Keeta needs to know, deserves to know. But I really need to know first so I can tell her.
Comments
Syn’s thoughts to self
Didn’t sleep in as late as usual today, things on my mind still and wanted to think them through rather than sleep. The dream for my new gift was interesting too, but a somewhat chilling flashback to the silver mine. At least wasn’t the first time I’d felt the fear though and I could think my way out, which is what the gift does, lets me think my way out of tight spots. Keeta was either asleep or pretending to be so I went and had a bath. I saw I had an e-mail from her and I responded. She’d had a good idea, and some questions that I also wanted to know the answer to. I know she’s been able to speak to our totem in private before and her plan was for us to have a conversation with her again and get these answers.
When I’d done with my bath I heard voices downstairs so I figured it was a good time to go down and chat. I picked up my list of things to do and went down. I spoke to the alpha and suggested we did some of the things on the list. I also pointed out I’d nearly finished my silver weapon, in a hope that it would motivate others to do theirs. Such was the deal we’d made with our totem and I think that we should definitely keep her on side. Keeta also wanted to get on with her change of image and go shopping, which some how managed to start an argument that would last all day. We agreed that we’d look to dealing with The Leatherman later in the week, which is good for two reasons; firstly I have hardly any money left until my next dividend and second I have no idea what to do with the meeting. We talked about discovering if Fire Touched gave their kin names or not and Bo suggested we used Know Name on Susan Lakeshore to find out, as we knew for certain she was Fire Touched kin, I could try and trace her on GPS if someone called her so I could activate it and then we’d see her. Finally we agreed that we would tell Colin about Lee, and also tell Lee about Colin.
I broke into a security firms system so I could trace phone GPS signals through it and Bo gave her a call. It seems she’d been looking for Bo in relation to Foster’s office fire, GPS showed her at the police station and that’s where she wanted to meet us. Keeta went off and got her old clothes together while I put the last touches to my mould. We got into the pick up and as we headed to the police station the whole shopping bickering continued so I just sat there feeling awkward. We got taken as a group into the meeting with Susan and Bo talked to her. I managed to discern her Fire Touched name, though it’s in First Tongue so I probably couldn’t pronounce it well. Bo and Susan bullshitted each other for a bit and then we left. She asked about Foster a couple of times and Bo said he was out of town and unwell.
Then we got to shopping, and Keeta seemed obsessed with buying clothes for Bo, while Bo pretended to be interested in the whole thing, I’m not sure if he was mocking her or not, but I know she was mocking him. I took every chance I could get to be alone with my thoughts during this expedition. What do I feel about Keeta? It’s a good question. Our attempted counselling session allowed me to look past the fear of losing my friend so I could actually think a bit clearer on the subject. For some reason today though the biggest question in my mind was how fair the situation was for Keeta? I touched on it during our talk the night before, how ever I answered would lead to a hardly perfect situation. Either she’d be in love with someone that didn’t love her back or she’d be in love with someone she could never fully connect with. We’d never be able to have children, that’s important to women, well and Uratha in general but mostly to women. I’ve already pretty much resigned myself to the fact I have no right to have children, my mistake before was a clear enough indication of that but Keeta? Could I make that decision for her? Had she already made that decision for herself just because of me? I also then started to wonder why I was thinking so much about how it was going to affect her when I was meant to be searching for my own feelings on the matter. I guess it’s because I care, but is that as a friend or as more?
I’d realised by this point in the shopping process that it was more about the argument between Bo and Keeta than getting what we’d come out for so I popped off and bought the resin we needed for making different shaped weapons and getting a decent sharpening block as well. We popped into the Mexican restaurant for an awkward meal, at least it was for me and then we went into a Book Shop that seemed to have appeared over night. At Bo’s request I did a Know Name and a Sense Weakness on the shop owner but I have no idea why. I headed off to the psychology section to see if I could find some clues as to my pack’s mood this day. I get that Keeta would be out of sorts today, but things seemed to be more involved than that and I figured either I’d missed something or………. No that had to be it, I had to have missed something surely? Around that point I figured if Bo was going to be paranoid about this annoying sales man I would take something of his to scent later, just in case he turns out to be blooded or something else not entirely human. I was going to lift the quill from his desk when I saw an apple core in his bin. I bagged it in one of Fosters bags and tucked it away for later and promptly forgot about it.
Thankfully that ended our shopping trip and on the way back to the car Bo said that he had seen First Tongue runes in a book in there. This didn’t strike me as too strange as I’ve seen them on internet sites before, it’s not like us Forsaken are flawless with our cover ups. When we got back in the truck I tried to clear up the situation between Keeta and Bo, but typically I got nowhere. I really can’t do these social things so I just went quiet and drove to Lee’s bar to check the place out; I went straight in and up stairs. I put away the no dried washing up I’d done the day before, saw nothing was out of place and headed back downstairs. Bo and Keeta had confirmed the downstairs was fine so we drove on to the hospital. The idea was to talk to Lee, tell him about Colin and see what happened from there. As usual not a full plan and when we got there I found out Bo wanted me to do the talking which really just topped off what had been a terrible day so far. I tried my best thinking on the spot to talk to him but I couldn’t wait for the conversation to end. He said we could go tell Colin he was here, which was the result we wanted but I don’t think I took a very good clear route to it.
Keeta called Colin to say we were on our way to see him and we met him in the staff room again. I seemed to end up doing a lot of the talking here too, I guess with their bickering earlier it was probably better that Bo and Keeta didn’t get involved too much but I didn’t find it that comfortable a situation. Somehow I managed to convince Colin that I was able to read minds though so he eventually believed that the guy upstairs was indeed Lee Snow but he still wanted to go up and see for himself. When he saw him he nodded and didn’t look pleased. He promised to pull some strings and look into Lee for us. I’m not sure how to deal with this turn of events until yesterday I thought Lee was the only helpful person our pack had met and now we’re doubting him too, and trusting Colin who we don’t really know, but probably won’t lie because he thinks I can read his mind.
Either way I was actually pleased to get back to the warehouse. Both Donatello and George had pretty much finished with their moulds and I poured in the molten silver into theirs and mine as soon as they were done. Keeta was after something fairly complicated and wasn’t sure how to do it so I sat with her and helped her work on her mould while the silver in the others cooler. Bo was off working on his own and I figured it was probably a good idea to keep the two of them separate, despite the fact Bo was probably the best person to help Keeta.
While we were alone I asked Keeta how we’d go about talking to the Totem privately, as I know she has in the past. She told me how and that she’d already talked to her about what was in the e-mail. I was somewhere between annoyed and grateful at this so I just went with it, as I’d said to her in our chat until this was resolved I was going to take the better way of seeing and hearing things cause the last thing I needed was imagined insults in my head. She said that Lilithsu can’t detect or affect the ghost child, if it does indeed exist. She would however try to find a spirit that could but we’d have to talk to it ourselves and make our own deals. This seemed fair to me and I was glad Keeta had broached the subject. I would have felt the need to explain why I might have had a ghost child to our totem and it’s still not something I find easy to talk about. She had also asked about prevention. I was correct in my assumption that our bodies would not let us have an operation to prevent child birth, they’d heal themselves. But normal contraception would probably work. Of course it’s never been considered to be 100% reliable.
The thing that struck me as really odd is that I could have this conversation with Keeta without feeling awkward. Is that a good sign or a bad one? If I’m in love with her would I be relaxed about such conversations or would I be even more awkward than normal? But does our friendship change how that is anyway? I’ve not found anything I can’t talk to Keeta about so far so maybe it’s due to that connection? I’m probably reading too much into everything at the moment and it has to stop soon. Keeta needs to know, deserves to know. But I really need to know first so I can tell her.