24/9/41,211

Glorious, glorious success. Glorious, glorious loot.

But I mustn’t get ahead of myself.

The string of good fortune began when we locked the psykers up in the ship and went off on a pre-gold-filled-ship-looting shopping trip. All Ramirez wanted was an auspex scanner, but he pissed off the guy running the junk stall or something, I don’t know. What I do know is that I (using my keen marketplace senses) was able to find a guy who could install a power field on grandpappy’s old decorative sword. Not only will it serve as my little addition to the family weapon set, but it will let me slice shit in two with lasers. And that’s always a plus.

So after that little bit of excitement, we noticed one of the Redguard was missing. Normally, I’d say leave him and that he was probably a useless wanker in the first place, but Ramirez was convinced (as usual) that something was amok. We ended up tracking the guy to some slaver place that he got his ass kidnapped by, smooth-talked our way in, and found our errant guard. With a new hole in the back of his skull thanks to that Fel guy’s inbred sister-wife or whatever she was. We got the drop on her and Officer Nubek made up for his little episode in the Court of the Dead by de-braining what’s-her-name with a certain “brains and skull and giblets all over the walls” style. Also I jury rigged one of my laspistol cartridges into an energy grenade to take out a turret (by throwing it at the turret). I’m still rather proud of myself for that. So anyway we blamed what’s-her-name’s death on the guy with a hole in his brain and got ourselves out of there.

We made our way to the system where the gold was, only to find that it wasn’t just floating out in the middle of nowhere with some sort of giant, golden exclamation mark over it. So we poked around the planets. First planet was some Emperor-forsaken rock with nothing on it but a single wrecked transport. Had some info about some xenothing on the next planet.

So we head over there and the officers apparently don’t appreciate my creative landing style. Whatever. They’re just jealous because they know they can’t make an Arvus Lighter skip that many times across the ground. So, on our way to the xenothing, we find some greenskins. Ramirez was supposed to sneak over to a nearby turret and shoot them with it, but he managed to step on what I imagine was the only dry twig on the entirety of the planet.

So we’re fighting the greenskins, and it starts off well. Sister Death Pyro managed to set most of the orks on poison fire (which I guess is a thing now?). Then, however, the gretchens came out and started shooting, and let’s just say Ramirez won’t be recovering from his mental anguish any time soon.

Anywho, we get to the xenothing and it’s all weird and xenoey. Officer NubekkenIcanneverrememberallofhisfirstname sticks his head in a hole and apparently got hit with brain lasers or something so he knew where the treasure ship was. Libertina also stuck her head in the brainlaser hole. Just because, I guess. Maybe she just likes sticking her head in places. Dunno.

So we make it to the ship and there’s a big hole in it, but we can’t see any gold. Just as we’re about to poke around the ship, who do we see putting into the system but that Fel joker. We hide in the asteroid belt and watch him go into orbit on the planet with the xenothing. And that’s when the Phallus Maximus struck. We caught those fools with their pants down. Fel himself was planetside as we pulled up to his ship and opened vox communications. Threatened his seneschal for a bit before we just decided to start shooting anyway.

The resulting battle…well…

The Phallus Maximus fired its lance right up the thrusters of Fel’s ship.

Oh yes.

Oh yes.

No more needs to be said.

We boarded the ship amongst the evacuating crew, stole that punk’s banner and all his loot, then went back to our ship and blew the remainder of that ship straight into the warp.

Free to loot the treasure-ship at our leisure now, we took a quick detour to the bridge and saw the remains of the former captain. I shot him for being stupid and ugly and some gold pillbug thing fell out of his eye.

Anyway, long story short, we found a gloriously massive pile of gold in the back of the ship.

Truly, it was a sight to behold. I nearly wept at the majesty of those golden mountains.

And that brings us to the present, where we are now in the month-long process of simultaneously shipping a Grand Cruiser’s worth of gold back to civilization and partying.

At long last, it seems the Rinn dynasty’s fortunes are reversing.

Kenn Rinn, Captain of the Phallus Maximus

Note to self: Find more excuses to keep the psykers locked up in their rooms on the ship to continue the whole “glorious success” thing as long as possible.

This Week’s Acquisitions

• Kenn Rinn’s Conversion Feild [Boosted by Commerce Check] – Success
  • Commerce Test Success; 0 degrees
• Varius Teruuno’s Motion Predictor – Success
• Proxy Acquisition of Guncutter – Failure
• Ramirez Veche’s Auspex Scanner – Success
• Nubekenezzer Hazan’s Motion Predictor/Forearm mount – Success
• Sister Libertina’s Bionic Locomotion System – Success
• Astropath Zaogao’s Conversion Feild – Failure

As a result of your actions, your dynasty’s status has been updated.