Matt's Personal Log - Episode 18
I used to think I was an intelligent man – no longer. Educated, yes. Intelligent? Not a chance. Why you ask? ‘Cause intelligent people don’t wander around pissing off the powers that be, to the point that crack teams of commandos will undoubtedly be dispatched to exact recompense! I know this – I used to be hired to do the dispatching!
When one sets out to do crime, keeping below the radar is invariably the best tactic. It should be first and foremost when coming up with any plan to do your mischief! So of course, when we decided to attempt a rescue of Thuku, that was the first thing we thought about and then it was the first thing we removed from our plans!
In out collective wisdom (which by most applications of logic should be greater than any one of us, but practical application has forced me to conclude that there is a law of diminishing returns when adding additional people to the thinking process), we decided to impersonate a pornographic movie studio and approach the (generic evil) Empire in order to gain ‘volunteers’ to reduce costs. Remember that thing I said earlier about collective wisdom? Well, the Empire promptly proved my point by agreeing to our request – and actually aided us! So we spent a few days watching various prisoners get abused and defiled by other prisoners and some of our crew (including YunDarr, who must’ve been really backed up).
During this time, Tarak was apparently skulking about like the partial arachnid he is, spying out weaknesses, snurching different objects, and – most helpfully – planting explosives. When we were finally ready to make a break for it, we determined how to get a Rodian into the action so as to get Thuku on set. Once he showed up, we figured on using a diversion to aid our escape, which involved all of us running for the area the Imps were keeping all of the ships they’d impounded. What was our diversion? Nothing less than detonating the warp core of the Mugato! To tell the truth, I wasn’t really fully briefed on just how big that boom would be. And I don’t think – scratch that, I know none of us was prepared for the chain reaction of cataclysms that would be set in motion.
Obviously, I managed to escape. With me were Nova and one of the ‘actresses’ that happened to be on set at the time. I saw others escaping too – not all of them from my crew, let me add. Some of the other prisoners were also escaping in all the confusion – but so were a lot of Imps. Can’t really blame them – after all, with all of the explosions occuring (at one point I witnessed a fireball engulfing a full squad of ‘troopers), anyone with any sense whatsoever would’ve been running for any means of escape available.
Well, I think we’re supposed to reconvene at Citadel. When we get there, I’ll give the actress (Padme’s her name) some money so she can make a go at a regular life. I figure I’ll ditch the shuttle I stole – don’t need anything that’ll be easy to trace hanging around. Not really sure what the plan is after that. Tarak’s been pretty grouchy since we got him off of Jortunheim; K’ara’s been getting pretty antsy too. I guess I can’t really complain if the crew is gonna break up though – after all, I was hired to mop floors and read scanners, and I wound up with a small fortune. Captain Jack Sparrow never had it so good!