Thanos's Personal log - Episode 37
Just when I was getting bored with the station, the guys decide to join me with a run at the game of Hell Dice. Now you may have heard of it but I guarantee that until you play it, you cannot comprehend just how fraked up this game is. Sure the rewards are out of this world but the risk is nearly as bad. The game is played by telling the host, in this case a bad ass cat named Ba’leer, what you want if you win. He either agrees to your terms or he says, “No”. If he agrees you roll the dice which are two hexagon dice numbered zero through five. On a roll of ten you get paid what you ask for plus something special that makes the roll more than incredible. On a three, five, seven, and eight you win what you asked for. On a zero you lose real bad. On a one, two, four, six, and nine you lose. Now losing is the tricky part because Ba’leer decides your fate at his whim. He might take you money, right arm, kill your mother, sell your kids into slavery, or nearly anything. He seems to decide your fate based on his mood. If you are funny and entertaining he hits you with non-life-threatening things like taking your hair or changing your skin color from pink to black. If he is bored he does things like making your penis grow out of your forehead or putting your mother in a cage and making you watch as she is gang raped by angry Wookies. If he is real bored you get killed. Always try to be entertaining.
Have you ever heard of Q? If you have then you got an idea of what this Ba’leer cat is like. He is powerful beyond your ability to understand and he can do almost anything. I watched this one asshole send 50 megaton bombs to blow up on a dozen different planets. I need to check the news to see how many people died but I am sure it was millions. When Ba’leer got tired of him the guy was beheaded. Now Matt, Karr, and Cutter had never played this game and as per the deal I made with Ba’leer years ago, I didn’t reveal much. They played hard and took some heavy loses but I will let them tell their own tale. As for me I played one of the best games ever. I won a bunch and lost a bunch but in the end I came out ahead. Sure the bastard turned me into a 12cm tall winged beast with a fuzzy white cap but in the end I got my body back and a whole lot more. I now have a bad ass gun that vaporizes everything in a body except for the minerals. I cant wait to shoot someone to see if it leaves a skeleton or just turns them to dust. I got a slave girl who use to be the wife of the leader of the entire Ferengi Empire. I won a pair of gloves that have repulsor beams in them. That means when I hit someone, they will go flying away from me like they was hit by a shutter flying at supersonic speeds. I even won a pet Mugato named Cutter. Oh yeah, I got a party popper too. It shoots random things like tribbles, fireworks, confetti, bubbles, frost, sparkles, and even sometimes shoots like a flamethrower. I don’t know how many possible functions exist but it is fun to pull out and start shooting. I think my favorite toy is a suped up communicator that can reach anyone, anywhere, and maybe even any when. Combine that with my transit stone and I think I may even have Matt beat on the cool factor scale. The worst thing to happen in the game was my sister got killed. I was very upset and played until she was brought back from the dead but then she was in a coma and I had to take her to a hospital to get fixed up. She is better now. I took her to DS9 and said farewell.
On that note, I should mention that I took the surviving members of the USS Nelson to DS9 also. They should make it home from there and hopefully wont screw us over. I think we parted on good terms. Only time will tell. Finally I headed back to the Nyalarthotep and scared the crap out of Obdulia. We are enroute to Atlas Station now that Karr has taken ownership of it. I hope the place is nice.