Session 70 – Friends with Bad Intentions
Point of View (Azraim Melabidactus)
Last of the Froggies
Stupid underground makes me want to kill someone. And by someone I mean Misrael. How anyone can be that cheerful while actually on fire is just wrong. Here, eat this bug, it’s yummy. Oh good, I’m on fire again. Hurray someone is trying to kill me. For the love of Davim there is something wrong with that boy.
If we have to spend much more time cooped up down here with that lunatic I can’t be held responsible if I kill and eat him. Not that we dragonborn really eat people, that’s just lies told by the other races who are jealous of us.
Anyway, dumb Rambledon found more of the stupid frog creatures and we got to kill them. One of the idiots had these little live fish in a bag that were a nice tasty snack although grumpy Rhia gave me a nasty look while I was munching on them. Jeez. Dragonborn don’t eat people. How many times do I have to say it?
After that the morons figured out there must be a secret passage beyond the giant fish statue. I mean, really, a fish statue? Who worships a fish? The world is filled with morons and they might take over by their sheer numbers.
Rambledon figured out a way past all the traps thanks to my good advice and we headed back up towards the surface. We can’t get there soon enough as far as I’m concerned.
So we walked some more. In the dark. With Misrael yammering away about something or another. Oh boy, fun. Finally we found a bunch of things to kill at a gate.
The gnomes were pretty tough opponents but my curse weakened them all enough that the rest of the bozos were able to kill them. I really like sucking up all the life from enemies and I’m getting pretty good at it if I don’t say so myself. Not that anyone else would ever say anything nice about me. They are all a bunch of self-absorbed narcolepsy’s.
So, anyway, we went on and found a bunch of gnome women who ran away. Then our genius brain trust decided not to follow them but to continue exploring. Like they wouldn’t go get the rest of the fighters. I still can’t figure out why I keep traveling with this bunch of morons.
So, of course, we’re busy trying to get through some gate when we get jumped from behind and guess who ends up getting splattered! Rhia? No, wrong. Josephus? Wrong again. Misrael? Nope. Rambledon? Incorrect. Me! I’m just absolutely shot full of holes by these stupid gnomes with their stupid crossbows.
Anyway, we knocked them all down in the end so I can’t complain too much but I think the rest of the group is trying to camouflage me so they can take all the treasure.
After we killed the gnomes we freed this pretty cute, except the torn out eye and missing fingers, darkling woman and she said the gnomes were torturing her to get information about the Demon Keys. So, she told us how to use them and also where there is a portal not far away so we can get to the surface. That was pretty sweet.
She even offered to let us stay and watch while she tortured the gnomes but everyone was all like ewww, torture bad. I mean, they tortured her. They get what they deserve. Maybe I’ll move to the darkling lands after I ditch these idiots. She seemed like a nice girl except for the missing eye. I could get over that I think.
So, anyway, the others wanted to leave before the torturing got started and I guess they expect me to work the portal and send us back to the surface. Maybe I’ll figure out a way to send them all straight to the water plane like when Offo ditched us in the fire place. That would be funny. They’d all be drowning and I’d be all laughing. Ha ha.