To: The Most Honourable Centicles, He-Who-Is-Many-and-More, Master of the Legion

From: Ranathen Missletoe, most humble bard errant and proud Legionnaire (related by headquarters clerk, as I cannot write!)

This will be my record of events of the Solstice. I do not claim to speak for my missionmates, but forgive the odd aggrandizement, for such is the habit of those in my sometime profession to take tales and make them grander.

I am a simple man. I came to your Legion from the wastes and a people steeped in savagery, but I am wholly devoted to the Cause and great mission you have set forth.

In our latest mission, I took it upon myself to disobey convention and refused to distribute coal to the children of Snough Village. I did willfully and intentionally pressure my comrades to do the same, with the result that even the most naughty of naughties in Snough Village (namely the eponymous Lord Snough) received a Gift instead of coal. This is fact.

The reason I did this was twofold: One, Lord Snough’s enmity toward you and our organization as a whole stems from a large collection of coal lumps, and events have escalated in an alarming fashion from his childhood to dominate the lives of the people of Snough Village. Second, I believe drastic measures (ie, a miracle) were necessary to bring a resolution to the evil that has befallen that benighted village.

I do not make apologies for my actions but beg forgiveness all the same. My fate as a humble Legionnaire is, as ever, in your noble hands.

Sincerely,

RANATHEN MISSLETOE, THE NOT-SO-LITTLE DRUMMER BOY