Campaign Journal Entry: 002
19 Velus 1130
I walk the camp this morning lost in my own thoughts. Onn teaches us not to grieve overlong for the dead for they have gone to stand with him to await the final battle with Ahriman, yet I begin today to feel the loss of my father pointedly.
I have never known a day in my entire life when I could not draw some comfort from a situation by wondering how my father would react were he in my spurs. That time is now past.
My brother Topaz is lost in the south, my heart tells me he lives but my mind calculates all of the factors weighing against him and the scales seem heavily tilted against my heart indeed.
When Topaz turned to drink while I was still a untried youth I had the quiet and unwanted realization that it may fall to me to carry on the family line and holdings one day.
I have spent many years sense then ignoring that nagging voice reminding me of this as Topaz went from One high danger assignment to another only pausing in between to attempt to wash away with Alcohol what the fire of combat has not been able to erase.
Fieldspar and I have resigned ourselves that we may never know what inner daemons drive our brother so. We have always, and will always stand shoulder to shoulder with him when asked or needed, but although he is outwardly friendly and open with us we know there is a place within him that he lets no one see. I fear this will one day be his demise if it has not already done so…
Onn, hear your humble servants prayer for relief in this time. I find it harder then ever before to set aside my worldly concerns and stride forth as a champion of justice and light sure in my cause and serene in my faith… I look at the veritable mountain of corrupted flesh waiting for the makeshift construction of the tower of silence and lack the ability to summon serenity or surety.
How can I lead when I do not know the way? How can I be as a beacon to the servants of light when I feel as if I am in a world of darkness. I fear I may not prove the match of this test of faith that you have laid upon me great Onn.